those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
