The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
