Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
