I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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