Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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