let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
