Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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