This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
