i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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