I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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