Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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