During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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