Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
