I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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