M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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