When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
