3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
