I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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