just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
