i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
