Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
