): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
