dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
