i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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