drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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