u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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