Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
