I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
