Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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