What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
