the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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