It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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