i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
