I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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