I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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