Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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