Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
