ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
