Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
