I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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