I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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