i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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