this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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