____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i drank out of a bidet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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