I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
