Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
