just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
