i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
