i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
