We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
