he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
