I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
