puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
