everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
