At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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