I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
