Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.