tell your sister to shave her snatch
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.