just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.