just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
