You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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