this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
