god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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