my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
