I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
