You're so nebulous sometimes
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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