My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
