guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
