Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
