I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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