i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
