apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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