The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
