hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
