i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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