apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
