the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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