I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
