he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid is not a monday night drug
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
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