my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
