'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is wine microwaveable?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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