Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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