How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
