He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
