I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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