He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
