You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So much Jack, so little girl.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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