I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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