Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
