Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
