therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
