Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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