I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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