thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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