Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
