I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
